Working as a counsellor is not for everyone and while people come into the field with a broad range of personal experience, skills and work experience, not everyone is suited to this challenging role. It’s often believed that it’s all about being kind and a good listener. Of course, these are necessary attributes, but on their own, they are not enough.

Good counsellors usually possess a mix of the following:

1. Emotional containment
   As a counsellor, it is important to be able to sit with someone else’s pain without rushing to fix it, minimise it, or absorb it as your own. A good counsellor is able to remain calm and keep listening when things get heavy. 
    
2. Curiosity over judgment
   Counsellors need to be genuinely interested in the reasons why someone may feel and behave the way they do. That doesn’t mean that you need to agree with their reasons but it does require a non-judgmental, desire to understand their viewpoint.
    
3. Boundaries
   You will need to really care deeply about the experiences and feelings of others, but will need to remain boundaried and conscious not to blur lines, rescue people or take responsibility for their healing. 
    
4. Self-awareness
   Counsellors need to be aware of their own triggers, blind spots and emotional reactions and be willing to work on them throughout their career as a counsellor.
    
5. Tolerance for ambiguity
   It can take a while for others to make progress. It can be a slow, messy and non-linear process for many and there is rarely a simple solution. Good counsellors understand this and are ok with it. 

Signs you might make a good counsellor

You might be well-suited if:

• People naturally confide in you (even strangers)
• You listen more than you talk, and don’t feel the need to ‘perform’
• You’re comfortable with silence
• You’re more interested in understanding than advising
• You can hold compassion without excusing harmful behaviour
• You’re willing to do your own therapy or reflective work (this is huge)

Signs it could be harder (not deal-breakers)

These don’t mean ‘no’ but they’re worth being honest about:

• You feel drained or dysregulated after emotional conversations
• You take responsibility for other people’s feelings
• You avoid conflict or discomfort
• You need to feel useful by giving solutions
• You struggle to say no or set limits

Many excellent counsellors started with these traits and learned to manage them. Training and supervision are key.

The questions beneath the question

Often when someone wonders about becoming a counsellor, they need to consider the following questions:

• Do I understand people well?
• Is my empathy a strength or a liability?
• Could I turn something I already do emotionally into meaningful work?
• Would this path break me, or fit me?

Being a good counsellor isn’t about being endlessly warm or healed. It’s about being steady, reflective, and ethically grounded. Some of the best counsellors are people who have struggled deeply and learned how to use these experiences without them taking over the process.
 

Interested in becoming a counsellor?

If you are interested in training to become a counsellor/psychological therapist, we are currently accepting applications to our diploma course starting in autumn 2026. Find out more here.